BSP

The pain,the hurt

The tears I've shed

Know no limit

Years passed me by

But , no answers to , WHY ME ?

The question without answer

Was the reason for more tears

For the poor me

Until I witnessed and heard

the tales ,the tears ,

Of hundreds like me,

The same pain,the same hurt,

They shed the same tears,

and some more tears

as they asked the same question

Why me?

That silenced me

for then it dawned

The question to be asked

Is not WHY ME ?

But WHY NOT ME ?

2001

samayama

Samayama was an ethereal experience
A string of unending hallucinations
A snake at times, sometime two entwined ones
A sea gull soaring over in the serene skies
Floating over forests with a birds eye view
Of sages in meditation amongst the woods
Sometimes the whisper of the gentle wind
Wailing and crying , rolling with laughter
There were so many of me around
The observer, the observed,
The experiencer, the experience
And all this amidst the roars of the lions and jackals
Then one morning, I know not which
I had lost count as night followed day
I was waiting on my breath
Body swaying to music
Small little quivers ran up the spine
Parked themselves in a knot between my shoulders
As the drums beat, they beat upon my pulsating crown
Every note strummed was strum on my crown
The drums reach a crescendo
My crown reaches out to the skies
I was connected to the vast void beyond
Twirling hum was all pervading
I went still, connected by an umbilical cord
Layer after layer of me evaporated
Then there was no me
Only the gentle hum of the universe
The sound of silence
Nothing before this nor after
Ever came close to this
The fuzzy mind cleared, blurred vision cleared
Wobbly legs steadied, swaying body still
All that remained was the Sound of Silence
Night followed day but I was still
No more hallucinations , no more experience
My crown yearns for that umbilical cord
My ears yearn for the hum of the universe
My body yearns for that moment of non-existence
My heart yearns for your Grace Sadhguru
Fill me with your breath, that I may forever be
One with the Sound of Silence

Bavaspandana

Resonance,vibrancy,mellowness,

richness,fullness,hollowness,

I felt it all.

Did not know where it came from

Or where it lead me on.

Head vs. Heart the struggle had been on

Part of me wanted to know

The Why , The Where ,The How

The stuggle went on .

Till the head surrendered

and let the heart lead on.

Where i did not know nor care

Did it matter why or where?

The need to know was gone.

As the questions ceased,

There was void

There was silence

Not a murmur

Not a stir

Only Silence.

2002

Sadhguru

Why am I drawn to you?

I 've tried to resist this pull

Tried to nip it in the bud

But something within me

Pushes me on

I have no words to describe

Nor a name to give

This strange feeling within

Is there a life other than this?

A relationship of another lifetime ?

Is that it?

Will realisation of what this is

Ever dawn?

Or will this uncertainty

linger on?

That twinkle in your eye

That smile on your face

That moment I broke down

At a glance from you

That haunting voice

Those haunting words

I WILL BE WiTH YOU IN MORE WAYS THAN YOU KNOW

They live in me

As this Strange feeling within.

2000

Samayama like Sadhguru is unpredictable as far as my limited experience goes. Sadhguru in his talks makes a profound statement; its impact is still sinking in and pat comes one of the most outrageous jokes! My two experiences of Samayama are such a contrast too.
Last year's Samayama was my first experience. I was all keyed up, I had heard how difficult it was, how much your limbs would pain, how much of ' moove ' was to be stocked etc. The legs did pain, the knees did protest, but what took the cake, the baker and the bakery too were the weird things that it did to me. I lost count of the days, I could not open by eyes beyond a slit, my arms were perpetually getting entwined, and it was as though a dense cloud had descended where my brain used to be! I was crying desolately without reason one day only to be laughing my guts out the next. Humming away one day and making vain attempts to fly the next. The flitting across hills and valleys stopped only with the drums. The drums stilled me and as they reached a crescendo I felt myself shed my body and become the beat of the drums.
It is with this background that I came for the next Samayama this year, thinking that this time I knew what to expect! Day one, day two, day three and I were wondering what I was doing wrong. Except for the sob that escaped me when I saw the tears in Sadhguru's eyes as he welcomed the large gathering, there was not a tear, no laughter, no floating no flying, no humming, ' no thing '!
It was only on day four I reconciled to the fact that this Samayama was a different experience an experience of nothing! My body and mind was still I would not get startled with Sadhguru's "hey ". No

emotions, very few thoughts, just the constant sensation on the crown of the head, at times on the forehead and just once a powerful swirl at the pit of the throat. But for that it was silence, void emptiness all the way.
The first Samayama was full of experiences, packed with sensations of body and mind, the second was full too but full of what? I do not know all I can say is it was full with nothing!
Perhaps I was distracted ,I was physically ill , or maybe it was my mind it was expecting the previous experience or was it because I had just lost my mother .....no idea ...wonder why...

SSY

The way the concept was drilled in
It’s a neural path in my brain that is deeply etched
Whatever happens, whoever happens
There is no more the helpless plea
‘Why did this happen to me’
‘Why did so and so say this or that’
Now it is always, what did I do or not do
To have this happen.
Thought it would be a burden.
But to the contrary, it is liberating
Sets you free, for another is not
The cause of your pain.
You have only yourself to question
It’s an inward journey for which
You are the river, the oar,
The boat, the boats man,
No one to blame no, one to question.
Unquestioned freedom.