Forgive me

I know i hurt you my love
I knew I lost you as I hurt you
There was nothing I could do
But watch myself hurt you
Strange as it may sound.

What came over me, I do not know
I used to be strong , i did not know fear
Untill those unfortunate years I spent
With only fear in my heart, scared of my own shadow
A mere puppet in his hands.

I turned to him in my hour of need
As life shattered all around me
I needed someone by my side
Thought my soul mate I had found
Only to discover it was a nightmare.

He spun a spiders web around me
I did not have the courage to escape
The pendulum of life swung between
Smothering love and sheer terror
I lived on razor's edge

Did he love me or did he not
I don't think I will find out
He would smother me with love one day
Only to inflict unending physical & mental torture next
A victim of an unbalanced mind.

I paid my price and more , my love
For all the pain i put you through
Cursed me I know you have , can't blame you
You did not know what hell I went through
Pray forgive me is all I can say.

I could take it no longer , one day
Despite the knife at my throat and my twisted arm
Despite his raving and ranting ,
Despite threats to maim me for ever
My body quivering in fear ,I crouched in a corner
And I screamed at him to leave .

And leave he did.
Only to return in a while, seeking forgiveness,
Promising this was the last time ,He would hurt me.
I had forgiven him a hundred times
Only to see the madness return and it would be back to torture time.

I had reached a point where I could take no more
I steeled my heart and asked him to leave
I was no longer scared, there was only a numb finality
The Gods decieded to have mercy on me
He left for good.

If one day you know,
what I went through
Maybe then you would find in your heart
A way to forgive me ,
for what I did.

2002