you 'll see it when you believe it

"'Observe a tree and contemplate the intelligence within or behind that tree that allows it to function perfectly in form .The leaves come and go, the sap drips out, it flowers when it is supposed to .It is much more than simple form . It contains a life force that makes it alive . We cannot see that life force , but it is very real."

These words of Wayne Dyer is what comes to my mind as I sit in my balcony and watch this Gulmohar tree I planted 8 years back. It's in full bloom this year . It did not bloom for 6 years, last year I actually stood in the balcony and talked to it , anyone watching would have thought I am mad ( Probably I am :) ). I kept pleading with it to bloom , goading it saying so many other gulmohars in town were blooming profusely and here was one big tree, which I planted,watered, put manure, talked to and not a flower! The very next couple of days, a few buds appeared and the week after the first sign of at least a dozen flowers. This year as you can see it's in  full bloom.

31 st March 2012

I have been mentally preparing myself for this for the last one year.Slowly letting myself let go of the need to be involved too much in the activities in the office.It was not easy but I knew I had to do it, if I did not want to get into deep pit of depression like last time - when I left my previous job without another job on hand.

Despite that I broke up on that last day...the day on which I retired.

The first month was bad, took its toll on me. Have now reconciled to it to a large extent.Still have not picked up the courage to go one day to office and just say hello to colleagues..worried I'll start missing office once again.

The logical part of the mind tells me I am being ridiculous but the heart is not too strong.Have started doing freelance training once in a way that seems to be helping. But I am conscious that I should not make that another career and then go through the same trauma when that too has to be stopped.

Looks like i need to go back to my practice of yoga to bring some balance to my life.

satyamev jayate

The episode on senior citizens I could not watch till the end. I will download and watch one of these days. Just could not go beyond the story of the mother staying in a home for elders, where her son left her before going to the US.. her belongings in a suitcase refusing to unpack as she expects the son to come back any time to fetch her..she has been waiting for three years....just don't want to believe there are sons and daughters like that........

satyamev jayate

I was wondering as I watched the episode on manual scavengers at the number of people who when asked whether they felt differentiation based on caste existed denied it.Then I remembered that perhaps I would have also responded like that had i been asked the question many years back. Having lived in Rourkela,Orissa,a Steel township , during schooling, where people from all over India resided , I was aware that I was from Kerala  since we went there for summer holidays.
When I had to fill up a form for college admission is when I had to fill up religion and caste. I knew religion was Hindu as I recall there was  an instance of a Hindu Muslim riots sometime when i was in school. Beyond that a caste was something I had not heard of, so I asked my dad, he said there were sub sects under Hindu and I could fill ezhava which I did . Only after joining a college and a hostel in Kerala I came to know that ezhava was considered a level below the Nair community. Did not think it was a big deal, as no one treated me any differently than the others.

Then I go fall in love and it turns out the guy is a Nair, all hell breakout at home. My mom considered falling in love a crime and to top it a Nair boy. I was told how I would be ill treated as amongst the Nairs the Nambiars, to which community the guy belonged was considered a wee bit more superior. Thats when I discovered there were many more sub sects than I knew! Anyway the marriage happened and no one treated me inferior nor did I feel inferior.

Worked in various places in Delhi, Mumbai , Gujarat , there the only classification that seemed to matter was that I am a Madrasi ! It did not matter whether you hailed from Kerala, Tamil Nadu , Andhra Pradesh or Karnataka, you were a Madrasi. You explain there are 4 states south of the Vindhyas and that  you are from a place called Kerala . A couple of times that explanation got me the strangest of questions " If you are from Kerala how is it your hair is straight ?" I did not have an answer to that except that my mother and grandmother too have straight hair!

Then I took up a job in Chennai to discover, here is a city where caste is uppermost on many minds. Somewhere in every conversation Brahmin -  non Brahmin  creep in as also  Iyer vs Iyengar .One is openly asked what one's caste is in a corporate set up too, where the average person is a professional either an engineer or an MBA.I do not know if it is true or just a story, but considering the importance the subject seems to have, it is likely to be true. The story goes that there was a dispute between two communities about the temple elephants caste as depicted by the way the ash was to be smeared on its forehead! 

By now every job application would have the religion and caste columns which I knew how to fill. Then my daughter had to fill her application for college ( her school thankfully did not ask for caste) Now we were in a fix, does she fill up her father's caste or mine or mention it as a hybrid variety! So then I discover what is relevant is only the father's caste, so I  come out as inferior not only in caste, also on account of my gender an inferior parent too!So now my daughter too is aware there are castes and that it has a heirarchy !

Jokes apart what justification is there for  people to go through such humiliation on account of some man made segregation of roles in society , which later developed into a birthright. It is pathetic,the case of the lady who went through such a torturous journey to educate herself and even after having acquired a PhD despite the odds against her, instead of being admired still has to face discrimination to get a house on rent. The little boy has a smile on his face despite choosing to forgo lunch at school as he has to sit apart from others because he belongs to a caste considered low. It was so heart rending..What are we doing to ourselves? Who is responsible for this to be continuing, despite all the progress we have made?The anger in the eyes of the gentleman fighting for over two and half decades to get manual scavenging stopped, that too despite a law being passed on this more than a decade ago, is so justified.

I do agree the long term solution is inter caste , inter religion marriages, once there is a total mixing of blood no one will know which caste they belong to. Until that day what?

Thank you Amir, at least someone is doing something about it now.